It’s a little hard for me to admit this in a public forum, but March has been a very difficult month for me. Figuring out that I needed to find a part-time job has messed with my head.
It’s a risk to share this here because most of the people who read this blog are people I’m close to. I hate knowing that they may think I’m in a really terrible place. I’m not in a terrible place. March has just been tough on my psyche.
My choice to leave my old job was with the intention to explore me as a writer. So the idea of getting a second job felt like I had failed at focusing on a writing career. I can see clearly now that I haven’t failed at anything, but when I was going through the emotions, I felt like I didn’t have what it took to be a writer. I felt like I was giving up.
Being a writer is a difficult, difficult path to choose. Part of my problem was that I created this idea of what life as writer looks like, not allowing for what I want or need out of life. Feeling the desire for more money felt like I was turning my back on being an artist.
This search for a job is simply a desire to make my life a little easier. That’s it. It’s not a comment on the state of my art or who I am as an artist. I finally came around to the realization that I need to chill out and recognize that it’s okay to change my vision of my writing life.