Day 294 Risk: Give In To Fear

This was a tough one for me. The whole reason I’m taking this year of risks is to overcome my fears. So to spend an evening giving in to them was pretty risky, considering I could relapse at any time.

As I mentioned earlier in the week, my tear duct became blocked, so my doctor put me on antibiotics to avoid an infection. Even though my eye healed, I have to take the antibiotics through Sunday. For people with stomach conditions, antibiotics are the devil. Acceptable side effects of the antibiotics I’m taking include diarrhea, nausea and vomiting. Basically an already sucky situation–having IBS–is further sucky by adding a vomit inducing drug to the mix.

For the most part, taking the antibiotics hadn’t been as terrible as vomiting and diarrhea, but my stomach had been upset off and on all week. But on Thursday, it started to cramp up. The cramping was so bad that I curled into a ball on my couch and spent the afternoon doing labor breathing. It was awful. I called my doctor, because this didn’t seem like a good sign, and then spent the rest of the afternoon sipping tea and waiting for him to get back to me. He finally did, told me that what I had experienced sucked but was nothing to be too worried about, and said to finish out the prescription.

Thursday night was my weekly writing meet-up night, something I had missed the previous week due to the painful tear duct. I had a tough decision to make: stay home in my jammies or risk an attack at the meeting. I was terrified that I would have another cramping spell and be more than five minutes away from my couch or that I would need to get sick and not make it to the bathroom in time.

So I gave in to that fear and stayed home. I took the risk that this was an isolated incident and that I wouldn’t be falling victim to my stomach with any regularity. I was so frustrated and angry at my body, but I was also relieved to know that I could be grumpy and in pain and not have to talk to anyone.

I hate you little blue pill.

I hate antibiotics. They suck.

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Risky Thoughts

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