Day 214 Risk: Relinquish Control

This one was super tough for me. It’s no secret in my marriage that I’m a bit of a control freak. My husband has commented many times that I need to let go, to not hold on so damn tight. I’ve made great strides in this area of my life, but I still regularly struggle to feel comfortable in that unknown place that comes with not having the control.

We’ve recently been dealing with settling up with the ER we went to a few weeks ago. While being the control freak in our relationship is usually a bad thing, we’ve found that it can be put it to good use by having me handle our bills. With all that was required in followup after this visit though, we’ve split things up. My husband has mostly been dealing with the ER. And I hate the way he handles this kind of thing.

I know it is horrible to feel, but I just don’t think he deals with these things correctly. Monday, though, I had to admit that his way is not necessarily terrible, just different than my own. I basically had to concede that he could handle this situation just as effectively as I could.

That sucked.

My husband is incredible intelligent and clever. He is also stubborn and hardheaded about certain things. This becomes a huge sticking point when we are trying to work together on something. So, rather than continuing to beat my head against a wall, I decided to remove myself from the equation, allowing him to completely figure out the ER situation. As we talked it through, I found my face getting all kinds of screwed up and my voice straining against saying the words, “You can do this just as good as I can.”

Oh man. It was so hard. In the end I know we will be better for it, and by taking the risk of trusting him with this, I know we will be stronger, and blah, blah, blah good stuff.

It still sucked though.

 

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