Day 196 Risk: Not Throw In The Towel

Good grief...

I’ve had one of those weeks. It’s been one of those weeks where you wonder who you pissed off in the universe. It’s been the type of week where you just want to get under the covers and wake up on Sunday.

To not get too far into it, a number of sucky things happened this week and then I got a message yesterday morning from work asking where I was. “What?!” I said out loud. I looked in my notebook and saw that I was indeed supposed to be at work. I called, a little dazed, and left a message apologizing. After hanging up, the urge to crawl under the covers and forget the world came over me so completely and fully that I almost trudged back into my bedroom. But I picked myself up, got dressed, hauled a cab and went to work.

Later in the day, exhausted and feeling like crap, I was so tempted to change into pj’s and turn on the TV, falling asleep early and forgetting my day. But, once again fighting those pesty urges, I decided instead to bundle up and take a walk down my block to check out the storefronts, as all of their holiday lights were being turned on for the first time last night. It was actually very refreshing and I felt a little rejuvenated when I finally made my way home.

Still, even with holiday rejuvenation, I felt tired and desperately wanted to crash. But the writing group I go to meets on Thursday nights and I knew avoiding writing was the worst thing I could possibly do under the intense circumstances I’d been in all day. When I avoid writing in these situations, my mood stays grumpy and I get stuck. So I went. And I’m so, so glad I decided to. I felt a million times better afterward.

Yesterday was just a bad day. In truth, the risk in this was that at any point I could have found myself in a position of inappropriate crying or complaining, to co-workers or casual acquaintances. The risk in not throwing in the towel and giving up on my day was risking that I would crumble in a location that was way wrong to crumble in or with people who are not exactly qualified to handle my crumbling. I risked that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the day.

To my utter shock, I did. I’m still alive, I still have a job, and as far as I know, I haven’t wigged anyone out. As far as I know…


One thought on “Day 196 Risk: Not Throw In The Towel

  1. Pingback: Day 198 Risk: Pseudo Urban Exploring « Little D, Big Year

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