A few weeks ago I had a post about doing NaNoWriMo. I had a great couple of days. And then I stopped. Well, not completely stopped. But I might as well have stopped. When I finally sat down to my computer to work on Tuesday, my word count was 7343. If I had been keeping up with the projected daily word count, it would have been 24,000. I was a wee bit behind.
NaNoWriMo has been difficult for me this year, mainly because when I decided to do it, I got this burst of creative motivation and also decided to do a number of other writing related projects. All of those projects are coming along nicely, but NaNo is falling to the wayside. Of all the projects I’ve got in front of me, it’s the one with the least tangible benefit that I can see.
It’s also the one that would probably be the most fun if I commit myself to it.
I struggle, will probably always fight, the urge for “success”. I’m a highly ambitious person and sometimes it comes back to bite me in the ass. I’ll focus so fully on success that I will overlook what makes me happy and, before I know it, I’m miserable and wanting to change my life. I discovered that pattern when I was pursuing acting and one thing I promised myself when I decided to pursue writing in more earnest is that I wouldn’t get caught up in the “success” trap. I would do it for love.
And that’s what NaNoWriMo is. It’s a journey into the joy of creating. For me, it’s about meeting and committing to a goal with the soul purpose of finding enjoyment in the work. I’m not looking to create a masterpiece or a New York Times Bestseller, I’m just looking to create for sake creating, dig into craft and process, and have fun.
But, since I’m American, work is work and fun is fun. They are not mutual exclusive. Or, at least, that is the social conditioning that I am fighting.
So on Tuesday I sat down and wrote, coming really close to the daily goal of 1667. I decided to let myself play with this, just for fun, just because. At this point I may or may not reach 50,000. But I do want to finish this first draft; I do want to see where this story goes. And so, I am recommitting.