Do you ever feel like you’re wasting away certain parts of your life? For me it’s every time I plop down in front of the TV. I get up a few hours later (don’t judge; you know you do it too) and think, “What are you doing?!” I’m sick of feeling that way so I’ve made an effort to start taking advantage of living in a city, seeing things, attending events, generally just getting out into the world more.
I’m exhausted. I have no idea why. I slept in late today and had a pretty breezy day at work. I really didn’t do much. So to be so tired is kind of a mystery. But I am. I brought a bag of clothes over to a friends house and nearly fell over from exhaustion on the walk there. I can’t stop yawning. You get the point.
My dilemma is that I have things I want to do. I wanted to clean my living room tonight and dig back into my book revisions. I even had the idea to make a cake, you know, just for funsies. I don’t think I could even pick up a paper towel or process a chapter or whisk eggs. No, I know I need to go to bed early. As I’m writing this it’s about 10 minutes to 8. And I think my bedroom light will be out by 830. Even though I want to sleep it feels like such a waste.
I don’t even go to bed this early when sick. I don’t remember the last time I was in bed before 1030. I guess the risk is letting go of this idea that I need to fill my life so fully. I don’t want to look back on my life and feel like I’ve thrown away hours and days on meaningless crap. But I guess if we lived our life like that, searching out purpose and meaning in every minute, we would never really experience anything fully. If I pack my life to the brim, then I’ll always be rushing to get to the next thing. That’s not living.
SO I sleep. Or I will be sleeping. Very soon.