Do you realize how hard it is to take a risk every single day? There are some days that I sit and rack my brain and think, “What did you really do today?” Most of the time I figure out something that made me a little nervous or allowed me to step out of the box. Some things are purposeful, with me knowing I’m taking a risk as I do it. Other days I have specific risks to take, things that are planned out and that are obvious.
But hot damn. I’ve been risking for almost 150 days and sometimes I just can’t seem to think of anything.
Let me give my day yesterday: I woke up hungover after having had a little too much vino at a friend’s house, I watched an episode or two of Battlestar Galactica, then went to babysit (which mostly involved me sitting there since the little nugget slept almost the entire time), watched the Bears lose to the Packers (super sad face), met up with a friend who was in from out of town and got to hang out with and meet his new baby. Went home and went to bed.
There were no big revelations (other than the fact that I’m taking a big break from vino), there were no opportunities to conquer anything that made me scared or nervous. Basically it was an average day in my average life. Normally this would not bother me at all. But when I have committed myself to this blog, it makes me feel kinda lame and pretty boring.
So I say again: Do you know how tough this is? I thought it might be hard, but I wasn’t expecting to always feel this weight over me, reminding me that I’m not pushing myself far enough.
I’m not going to stop though. I still think this is a worthy pursuit and that I will come out of it stronger. But I need a day to whine and complain over how hard this project is. Sometimes it’s awesome and really great things come out of it. Other days I want nothing more than to quit.