This risk is kind of a two-parter, first when I actually made the following claim and then yesterday when I had to suck it up and realize how off I was.
Do you ever make lofty statements or predictions only to realize later that you were way off? Yeah, I hate it when that happens too. Never stops sucking.
I’d been making some pretty grandiose predictions about when I would be in a place to submit my book to agents. I had been feeling like I’d be in a good place by next month and would be able to start getting it out there. But a conversation with a good friend yesterday and some serious thinking on the whole thing made me realize that I would regret it if I sent it out in it’s current state.
I kind of feel silly for even making this claim to begin with. First of all, I’ve already made broad statements like this during the editing process and I’ve seen my goals get pushed back multiple times. Second, and probably the most obvious reason I shouldn’t have been saying this, I haven’t read the thing in months! Sure I’ve looked at it and changed one or two things here and there, but I haven’t actually sat down and read it cover to cover in a really long time. I know enough about this process that a little time away always, always reveals things that can be adjusted and fixed. Not to mention that the conversation with my friend reminded me of things I’d been wanting to go back in and alter for awhile. I had completely forgotten about how much I still had to do.
I think I’m feeling impatient. I want to get going on this path I can see in my head and I feel like I’m flirting with it right now. I have all these predetermined expectations of what my life should be or where I think it should go. There’s a pattern I’ve had for years of trying to predict and plot my life out, I think in an effort to avoid mistakes and keep myself safe. How limiting.
Safe isn’t interesting, as much as I sometimes wish it were. And it does not make for a good life, at least for me. Even though I’m itching to get myself into this place I’ve pictured so perfectly, I need to let life just be. Sometimes things take longer than we predict and sometimes we need to experience a little more life before we can be at the place we want so desperately to be at. I feel like a pre-teen again, 13 going on 30, wishing so badly for something that I had to allow time to naturally present. Funny how, just like then, those that loved me were telling me to just enjoy what I had now and try not to grow up too fast. Life comes full circle, huh?