Back on Day 55 I sent out the 3rd draft of my book for a few people close to me to read. And yesterday I decided it was time that I dive back in.
Since I took this risk, it has been almost a month and a half. I think this may be the longest I have gone without even trying to work on it. But honestly I just couldn’t. It’s not that I didn’t want to. Well, actually, that’s a lie. I didn’t want to.
I know, I know. This is supposed to be my life’s passion right?
My lack of desire to work on this is probably rooted in my complete exhaustion. It’s probably also rooted in my deep fear of looking at my friend’s/family’s edits. And finally, it’s probably rooted in my even deeper fear that I will go back to read it again and realize it’s shit.
They say that writing is super tough because you have to entirely self motivate. And I must say, it goes much further than that. In addition to self motivation, you also have to self criticize, self love, and step outside of yourself to be able to see what’s really there.
I’m really good at the first one of those. I have a self deprecating kind of way about me. But the self love part is wishy washy and the stepping outside of myself to analyze myself is something I generally need some pushing to do.
But now other people are invested. Now there are others wanting to see where this goes and what I do with it. They are a part of the process and I owe it to them, and more importantly to myself, to get this thing in a place where agents and publishers can read it.
So before digging in, I had to open the respective copies that were given back to me to see all the scratches that were made. Just a few days ago, Day 89 presented a similar situation that was overwhelming to handle. But yesterday I was pleasantly surprised. There weren’t that many notes!
Now there were plenty of grammar issues. I have a bad relationship with grammar as anyone who knows anything about grammar can see just by reading this blog. So I expected that. But in terms of story and character and overall action of the book, they really enjoyed it!
I still have 2 other people reading it and so we’ll see what their copies produce. But for now, I’m rejuvenated to work on this, feeling like I may actually have something good here.