My mother had surgery yesterday. It was a common surgery that was planned, but still. It’s always nail-biting when someone you love goes under.
She got to the hospital as I was getting to work yesterday morning. I luckily was working a job where I had down time periodically and was working with people who are awesome.
But work is work is work. And truthfully I’m always a little nervous about bringing up personal things while there. For one, I don’t want to come off as unprofessional. Two, if the personal stuff is a downer, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s mood.
I couldn’t help myself though. I honestly didn’t plan this risk or even have a moment where I stopped and thought, “This is a chance to take a risk.” Truthfully I didn’t even think about it until later when I was looking back on my day, trying to see where I may have taken any chances.
I was scared. My mom is not old by any means but she’s not in her 20’s either. She also takes to anesthesia like a college student takes to their first drink. The last time she was under, it took her 4 hours to come out. Not reassuring. Not to mention that surgery is scary no matter how old you are or how routine it is. There are always dangers.
So I told my co-workers pretty early into the day, around the time that the surgery was supposed to start. Lucky for me they were truly caring and accommodating of my freaking out. They covered me while I went out of the building to call my dad, they asked periodically if I had heard anything, they put up with my nervous energy that came to life in the form of non-stop talking and cracked out like mannerisms. Truly amazing people. One even text me later in the day to see how she was doing.
I guess the real risk for me yesterday was to allow that vulnerable side to be noticed and to accept a helping hand from others. I tend to not expect anything from anyone, always leaving me surprised when someone does something for me. But that’s not really a great way to live life. Sure it makes me independent, but it also prevents me for deepening relationships that could progress further. I know I have people in my life who will and do support me fully and I guess I don’t want to use up those opportunities to call on them.
But I guess I should also stop dictating that. My new mantra needs to be “Needing help is not a weakness.”