Do you ever realize you’ve been an ass? And not in the douchebag kind of way, but the “I’m too absorbed in myself” kind of way, which is actually worse because if you’re a d-bag then you probably can’t help it.
No that’s not true. Stop being a d-bag.
I have been a little self absorbed lately. I blame the blog. It causes me to look at me and examine me and then it’s just me, me, me all the time. Combine that with my oh so talked about busyness and what happens? My ass smells up the joint (not literally).
It was brought to my attention a few weeks ago that a friend of mine was upset about something dealing with me. As I was heavy into all the activities in my life this was not met with the most compassionate heart. In fact I was frustrated that I couldn’t just get a little more absorbed in myself. I choose to push the situation aside and ignore that it had happened.
Then a miraculous thing happened today: time. I finally have some. And as a result I was able to see things a little clearer. And what I saw was a whiny baby who didn’t have enough time or heart for her friend.
This friend has said nothing to me about the incident and while that could be an excuse to just pretend nothing happened, that wouldn’t be very risky. I was realizing that I didn’t have a risk today so I examined what I was afraid of and this popped up. I want to be liked, just like everyone else. So the chance that this person could just brush me off made me nervous.
Damn this year of risks.
So I called. My heart was racing a little and my hands were a bit shaky. It rang, and rang, and rang again. Finally I get the machine. To leave a message or not leave a message? After some wavering, I decided it best to get this to him before I lost my nerve. So message left.
I haven’t heard back from him but I guess I don’t really expect to. If he decides to call awesome. If not then I guess we’ll just see how it goes the next time we talk. Out of my hands now.