Today is my birthday. I have officially begun the last year of my 20’s. And even though I had a great day and even though I believe I am going to have a great year, that weight that likes to clench around my heart lingered with me as I celebrated and ate sweets. I guess I feel an immense sense of anticipation at what is ahead of me.
And all these pent up butterflies are a result of me telling everyone in my life about this crazy blog I’ve been thinking about starting. So today I am living up to all the talk I’ve been throwing around for the last month and beginning this blog. And I’m completely freaked out about it.
For one, I’m putting my writing out there for the world to scrutinize. Only a few people have read my work and now I get to see if they were just being nice. Secondly I may go all day without risking. I have mental images of me streaking down the street at 1030 at night because I’ve spent the day watching TV and eating ice cream. Finally, there’s the chance that this will not work. I’m determined to not live in fear for the rest of my life and I’m kind of counting on this to help pull me out of the well I’ve chucked myself into. But I don’t know that it will.
The next year could turn out to be the most incredible experience I’ve had to date. It could also be a hot ugly mess. I could make it through the year or I could quit before the end of the month. I’m jumping out into the empty space and really, really hoping that I won’t splatter when I hit wherever I’m going. And hoping that if I do splatter that there’s enough of me left to glue the pieces back together.